A Beautiful Morning in November

Do you ever look out the window at the weather and wonder if it is an indication of what kind of day its going to be? Or what your mood is going to be on that day? I know I do...every morning. Growing up in Arizona meant waking up to startling sunny days almost year round, which certainly explains my bordering on annoying cheerful disposition in the morning.

So today as I peered out of my garden unit window at a startling little patch of blue sky above the backyard fence, I knew that it was going to be a beautiful day. And for that I am thankful. Thankful that today is just as beautiful as it was last year when my Mother made her graceful exit from this world.

Alright, so I know that when someone passes it should be a dark rainy day, or in the sterile environment of a hospital. But this was never a scene my Mother found comforting for either her or the family that she knew she would be leaving behind. And so when we first started to accept the idea that this was going to really happen my Mother became determined to make sure that she orchestrated every detail of what she wanted to happen, and yes this included telling us how she wished to die. As usual she got what she wanted; a beautiful fall day, snuggled in a freshly made bed, surrounded by her children and holding her husbands hand. For those of you who were apart of my Mother's life this should come as no surprise.

On this beautiful morning in November I have spend a little time reflecting on the last year. For me it has been a rough year. A year full of lost faith, a violent fear of the unknown, changing relationships with those I love, lost friendships, constant abuse from people I once trusted and respected, and a sense of always wandering around aimlessly. All of this has been very unsettling for me, and it has taken me exactly 364 days to figure out why. My cheerleader is gone. My Mother is the reason I have the confidence that others tell me they miss. She always believed in whatever I was doing, often when even I didn't. But today for the first time looking out my window I felt peaceful, and I could really feel her next to me, cheering. Cheering for all that my siblings and I have accomplished in the last year and everything that we will accomplish in the year ahead.

Yes I miss her, but no more than I do any other day of the week. Rather for the first time in a long time I sent up a quick prayer of thanks this morning. Thanks for my family making it through a rough year, each of us with different scrapes and hurts, but none the less making it through the year in one piece. Because as mom would say:

Honey, everything's coming up roses and daffodils! Everything's coming up sunshine and Santa Claus!
Everything's gonna be bright lights and lollipops!
Everything's coming up roses for me and for you!